1. Ask for the last time, not the worst time

When people don't remember, I ask, does that happen a lot? And if they say yes, I say, okay, when was the last time that happened? Suddenly, it's easy. Oh, it was actually last week. Or, this just happened to me yesterday.

If you ask for the worst time or the best time, they say, it happened so many times, I don't remember. Best and worst make people search for something dramatic. The last time is real, recent, and not so broad.

We did this with four family doctors for the BC College of Family Physicians. Instead of their worst case, BCCFP's team asked them about the last time, and two of the four came back with a patient story from the week before.

2. Make the question something people can picture

Sometimes you're too deep into a subject. You know a lot about it, and people can't relate to your question, even when they relate to the problem itself. In the book Made to Stick, they call this the curse of knowledge. When you know a lot about something, you use jargon and you forget what it's like not to know it. What you say isn't digestible.

The book tells a study from Stanford. They got people to tap the rhythm of a famous song on the table, and the tappers thought the people listening would be able to name the song half of the time. Can you guess how many got it right? Three.

Something similar happened to us. We were filming street interviews for a health campaign, the BC College of Family Physicians' Connect Every Visit, and we had someone from their team asking the questions. People said, oh, that never happens to me. But the problem wasn't the doctors. We were talking about the systems, the communication between hospitals and clinics. So we noticed that and changed the questions, and the answers came.

When you turn the question into a little story, something people can picture the scene of, they will remember. Of course, if it happened to them.

3. Ask what made them care

When people don't know how to tell a story, they come back with proof points, growth, safe stuff. So what I do is ask them what made them care. Day to day, what do you like to do? Why? How did you get into that?

Then they start talking about people, memories, emotions, specific moments. That's where they open up. Keep asking why it's important until you find a human value underneath. Then they understand why they're telling you all of this too. It's pretty much a light bulb moment, for them and for you, to finally get to the core of the message.

4. Follow up

Many people don't do this. You see it in podcasts online, small ones and some big ones too. They jump to the next topic because they're focused on their own questionnaire, their own goals.

So in any conversation, when you see they're interested in something, follow up. Why is that? How did that make you feel? Can you walk me through it? Oh, now I'm curious, how does that work? A study looked at real conversations in 2017. People who asked more follow-up questions were liked more, not because they were clever, but because the other person felt heard.

I remember a guy I met before an event we were filming. He said, oh, you're the video company guy. What are you doing here? How did you get into this? Then, why do you do it? What do you like most about your work day to day? He was leaning forward, looking me in the eyes. I don't remember many people from that day besides the clients. But I remember him. I felt important.

5. Ask, then stop talking

This one is actually a sales strategy, but it works everywhere. When you ask an important question, ask it and stop talking.

Sometimes we ask something deep, about budget on a sales call or something personal, and we feel uncomfortable. So we keep talking to fill the silence. We add more context, and we never stop. That's what makes the question awkward. Just ask and wait. Let them feel the silence, not you.

This last one is really hard to do. So if you take just one thing to your next meeting, make it this: ask one real question, then stop talking and wait.

Quick answers

What's the best question to ask in an interview? How did that make you feel? It puts people in the spotlight and takes them past the rehearsed answers.

Why ask for the last time instead of the worst time? Best and worst make people search for something dramatic. The last time is real, recent and easy to remember.

What should you do after asking an important question? Stop talking and wait. Let them feel the silence, not you.

Planning a story film and want help finding the right questions? Talk to us.

David Balista is the video director and co-founder of Puggers Video Production, a Vancouver video production company that makes films for foundations, health care organizations and associations, each one built around one real story.

See the work: puggersvideoproduction.com/work

Watch on YouTube: youtu.be/Tdzf5d4H-Zo